Who quipped that?

[Don Petter]

My very favourite quip comes from Billy Connely...

'F**k off, he hinted'.

Was that just for misspelling his name?

[umslopogaas]

I've always like Reger's (I think) reply to a newspaper critic who had been very rude about his latest work: "Sir I am sitting in the smallest room in my house and your review is before me, but soon it will be behind me."

Another Dorothy Parker favourite: "What are those people doing?" "Dorothy, they are ducking for apples." "There, but for a typographical variant, is the story of my life."

[gurnemanz]

My very favourite quip comes from Billy Connely...

'F**k off, he hinted'.

The Malcolm Tucker variant

[Roslynmuse]

My favourite is the Churchill story (to whom?) - addressed late one night when in an inebriated state by a rather self-important woman thus: Sir, you are drunk!

He replied: Madam, you are ugly, but in the morning I'll be sober...

[french frank]

Good grief! This was only intended to be the deft excision of irrelevancies from a concert thread .

[Serial_Apologist]

Isadora Duncan to George Bernard Shaw: "Just think, if you and I got together and had a child, it could have my looks and your intelligence"
GBS: "But suppose it had my looks and your intelligence?"

[mangerton]

My favourite is the Churchill story (to whom?)

It was said to Labour MP Bessie Braddock.

[Ferretfancy]

My favourite Dorothy Parker story. Somebody brought her the news that President Calvin Coolidge had died -" How did they know? " she said.

Incidentally, Coolidge was approached by a young lady at a dinner party. " Oh Mr President, my friends have bet me ten dollars that you won't say three words to me'
"You lose" came the reply.

[Sir Velo]

Margot Asquith on correcting Jean Harlow's mispronunciation of her first name — "No, no; the 't' is silent, as in 'Harlow'.

[jean]

It was said to Labour MP Bessie Braddock.

...or Nancy Astor?

To whom Churchill is said to have replied when she said 'If you were my husband I'd poison your tea', 'Madam, if I were your husband I would drink it.'

[jean]

The Earl of Sandwich to John Wilkes "Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox."

Wilkes replied, "That depends, my lord, on whether I embrace your lordship's principles or your mistress."

[Ockeghem's Razor]

Judge: I have listened very carefully, Mr Smith, to what you have said, but I am none the wiser.
F.E. Smith: None the wiser, perhaps, m'lud, but far better informed.

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

The Earl of Sandwich to John Wilkes "Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox."
Wilkes replied, "That depends, my lord, on whether I embrace your lordship's principles or your mistress."

This reminds me of the bald-headed MP whose head was patted by a passing fellow MP. "Feels just like my wife's bottom!" quipped fellow MP, to which the hirsutely-challenged replied by feeling his head and declaring "Good heavens, you're right it does!"

[pastoralguy]

This reminds me of the bald-headed MP whose head was patted by a passing fellow MP. "Feels just like my wife's bottom!" quipped fellow MP, to which the hirsutely-challenged replied by feeling his head and declaring "Good heavens, you're right it does!"

[Flosshilde]

When I was checking a poem by Elinor Glynn (see the Richard III thread) I came across this exchange between her and a publisher -

"Sir, please read the enclosed manuscript or return it quickly, as I have other irons in the fire"

"Madam, I suggest you put it with your other irons"