Who quipped that?

[Ferretfancy]

I hardly ever listen to Mahler nowadays. I simply think about the symphonies, then the music starts playing in my head, then I decide that I don't really want to hear it either recorded or live again. I will get round to Mahler again, eventually, but I'm not intending to spend a lot of time on it until then. In fact I do this with most composers - it saves time.

Gone off Mahler? Could this start a healthy trend ? ( Well, only joking, sort of )

Andrew Lloyd Webber was once asked " Why do people hate me ? " Answer - " It saves time !

[french frank]

Andrew Lloyd Webber was once asked " Why do people hate me ? " Answer - " It saves time !

According to the story it was ALW who asked Alan Jay Lerner 'why do people take an instant dislike to me.' Lerner's reply was 'Saves time.'

[gurnemanz]

According to the story it was ALW who asked Alan Jay Lerner 'why do people take an instant dislike to me.' Lerner's reply was 'Saves time.'

Wasn't this a Spike Milligan one -liner? Not sure if he originated it.

[french frank]

Wasn't this a Spike Milligan one -liner? Not sure if he originated it.

Bob Dole to Newt Gingrich. Capt John McIntyre to Maj Frank Burns. Lerner to Lloyd Webber.

Too good not to recycle, but the originator appears to be uncertain.

M*A*S*H 1974 Lerner 1990 Dole to Gingrich 1996, but quoting M*A*S*H Milligan date unknown

[gurnemanz]

Grouch Marx is sometimes a good guess.

[french frank]

Grouch Marx is sometimes a good guess.

Assuming that's Groucho? I looked up a list of his quotes to see if it was there. I was going to post on the poetry thread:

"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."

But it seemed out of place

[Ferretfancy]

This is fun! There was one genuine gag on Spitting Image with the appropriate puppets to illustrate :-

"Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart -a composer who farts a lot "

"Andrew Lloyd Webber - a fart who composes a lot "

I'll get my coat.

[Nick Armstrong]

A couple of favourites come to mind:

"I'll never forget the first time we met - but I'll keep trying"

Don't know who quipped that.

But this was Noel Coward on being told a acquaintance, whom he regarded as stupid, had 'blown his brains out':

"He must have been an incredibly good shot."

[Pabmusic]

A favourite from Disraeli, Gladstone, Thackeray, Oliver Wendell Holmes … [insert other candidates] … is any variant of

Your [book, report, letter, etc] has arrived; I shall lose no time in reading it.

[Nick Armstrong]

A favourite from Disraeli, Gladstone, Thackeray, Oliver Wendell Holmes … [insert other candidates] … is any variant of

Your [book, report, letter, etc] has arrived; I shall lose no time in reading it.

Akin to which is another favourite (I've never known the origin but shall look):


This is not a book to set aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.



EDIT: it was Dorothy Parker - more accurately:

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

[burning dog]

"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

Groucho Marx

[Hornspieler]

Another Dorothy Parker joke:

Attending the launch of her latest novel, she was approached by a rival authoress who greeted her with gushing tones:

"Dahling! Your latest book is wonderful. Who wrote it for you?"

DP: "I'm so glad you enjoyed it, darling. Who read it to you?"

[Pabmusic]

Any such thread would always be in danger of zeroing-in on Dorothy Parker.

Norman Mailer's The Naked and the Dead was published only after a certain word had been changed to 'fug' throughout (this was the late 1940s). Meeting him at a reception, Parker greeted him with: "So, you're the man who can't spell 'fuck.'"

[Don Petter]

Perhaps lowering the social tone, I've always treasured Ted Ray's observation in 'Does the Team Think?':

'I like dreams. You meet a better class of woman there.'

[pastoralguy]

My very favourite quip comes from Billy Connely...

'F**k off, he hinted'.