Flay's First Law of Decorating

[Flay]

In medicine we are often guided by the aphorism: "First do no harm."

Well I would like to add one of my own pertaining to odd-jobbing: "First do no damage."

I visited my elderly in-laws' home in Ultima Thule at the weekend. I set about some useful jobs, fitting some lights and so on. Then I decided to pull the washing machine out to check behind it. In so doing I tore a large hole in the kitchen lino!

Has anyone else embarked on a simple job only to make a nightmare for themselves?

[MrGongGong]

Oh yes
Lift a floorboard to install a new socket to discover that the whole floor (which we were about to push a piano onto) was on completely rotten floorboards.
and
Chipping a recess for a new lightswitch which caused the brick on the other side of the wall to fall out, taking the plaster and render
and
Removing a 1950's fireplace surround to discover that the whole chimney breast had no supports

and so on

but our house was a building site for a long time (still is in parts)

[umslopogaas]

My washing machine stopped working, so the electrician came and found that a resistor in the control circuits had burned out. Fine, that'll cost about two pence to replace. Sorry sir, its an integrated board, I'll have to replace the whole board. Oh s**t, that'll be fifty quid to replace a twopence component. Oh well, its cheaper than a new machine. Phones the next day, sorry sir, cant get the board, none left at the manufacturers. So, because of a two pence component failure, I had to have a new machine, which with delivery and call out charges, cost four hundred quid.

I'm not at all convinced that he could not actually just solder in a new resistor, but I'm not skilled enough in these things to do it myself. I'm half temped to start taking in laundry to try and get some of the money back ...

[Eine Alpensinfonie]

My first law of decorating is never to use wallpaper, but to to spend hours smoothing the walls in order to have a good surface for emulsion, which can then be patched or painted over as required.

When I think of the hours I have spent removing wallpaper.

[vinteuil]

... the first, and only, Law of Decorating is : get a professional to do it.


Lord Finchley tried to mend the Electric Light
Himself. It struck him dead: And serve him right!
It is the business of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan.


[Hilaire Belloc]

[MrGongGong]

One other rule (borrowed from a comedian I once saw)
Is before applying new wallpaper to write "I will kill again" in red paint on the wall.
Then apply your wallpaper.
The punchline comes when you sell the house and the new owner decorates

[Nick Armstrong]

... the first, and only, Law of Decorating is : get a professional to do it.


Lord Finchley tried to mend the Electric Light
Himself. It struck him dead: And serve him right!
It is the business of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan.


[Hilaire Belloc]

One starts here in late June (and another coming in to upgrade the lights, thereby saving me from Lord Finchley's fate). Also, conveniently, I am employing a small French cousin in need of pre-Bac. English experience (and £££) to run up and down step-ladders removing, dusting, classifying and storing (or discarding) CDs, books and DVDs, and then replacing on freshly painted shelves

[Wallace]

[Eine Alpensinfonie]

One other rule (borrowed from a comedian I once saw)
Is before applying new wallpaper to write "I will kill again" in red paint on the wall.
Then apply your wallpaper.
The punchline comes when you sell the house and the new owner decorates

[gurnemanz]

... the first, and only, Law of Decorating is : get a professional to do it.


Lord Finchley tried to mend the Electric Light
Himself. It struck him dead: And serve him right!
It is the business of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan.


[Hilaire Belloc]

DIY = Don't Involve Yourself

[Richard Tarleton]

:a small French cousin .......to run up and down step-ladders removing, dusting, classifying and storing (or discarding) CDs, books and DVDs, and then replacing on freshly painted shelves

And polishing?

[Nick Armstrong]

And polishing?

If there's any time left, certainly!

[Flay]

... the first, and only, Law of Decorating is : get a professional to do it.

Yes by all means, get a decent professional. Those are more difficult to find!

But it's those trivial tasks we embark on that end up requiring the professional!

[Padraig]

DIY = Don't Involve Yourself

Wish I had thought of that - but I have always left it to herself anyway.

[Richard Tarleton]

If there's any time left, certainly!

French polishing -