Writing a Report

[Beef Oven!]

Some of us earn part of our living from writing reports, and if we wrote them to your unquestionably correct rubric, we'd barely get above the bread-line.

[vinteuil]

5) Don’t show off!

... o, life is much more fun when people show off. Many of us do it a lot of the time - it adds to the brio and gusto of life. Would you wish us back to a puritanical, methodistical way of being? Ghastly!!

[salymap]

Surely we are all showing off to some extent when we post. Ifwe didn't contribute something or ask a question there wouldn't be much point in doing it.

It's like talking to a group of friends, not a business meeting, to me anyway.

[Exonian]

I have lost count the number of times I have sat in board meetings listening to and watching briefings and presentations by many a managment consultancy. The reports were uniformly well-written and designed. Said reports invariably ended up in the shredder.

One looked for something that stood out and that was perhaps different, original, fresh. Give me a piece that may have less than perfect grammar or spelling but something from the heart that communicates the writer's views, meanings or emotions. I prefer the individual to the conformist.

I am probably one of the target audience! Too late..........................

[french frank]

stop using arcane words

The cap presumably fits me. I wrote something elsewhere a couple of weeks ago which got the response: “What on earth does this mean? Perhaps someone whose first language is English can elucidate?”

One person's 'arcane' is another person's 'everyday'. Anyone interested in language is delighted to come across something new; and online it's simple to find out what a word means, and a pleasure to seek it out.

[eighthobstruction]

I think some people are being a little contumely....

....but which is it.....they may be contumelious in a clever hidden way....even the OP may be contumely in huge dollops....or even in little bitty dollops he does not even know about....puff LIFE eh??!!

[salymap]

I think some people are being a little contumely....

....but which is it.....they may be contumelious in a clever hidden way....even the OP may be contumely in huge dollops....or even in little bitty dollops he does not even know about....puff LIFE eh??!!

Yes and No I'd say

[Sir Velo]

I think HS has a particular poster or two in mind but is either too mealy-mouthed or gentlemanly (depending on your POV) to finger anyone in particular.

To be fair, I sympathise: there are some posters who appear to write as if they were giving a lecture at a musical appreciation society gathering; as if the rest of us were a gaggle of halfwits who had couldn't tell a crescendo from a croissant.

[eighthobstruction]

1) Write using language that is in common use. That swine Assad used chemical weapons
2) Always comment on what is good as well as what was bad. He didn't use it on everyone, only the rebels
3) Keep the report as brief as possible. Bugger! we are in a tight spot
4) Keep to the subject or performance under discussion. The Middle East is a powder keg, what to do? what to do?
5) Don’t show off! It's a terrible nuisance.

[amateur51]

I recall being told by various bods experienced in such matters many years ago that a consultant is generally someone who borrows your watch and then tells you the time, and submits an enormous invoice for the privilege og so doing.

[Beef Oven!]

I recall being told by various bods experienced in such matters many years ago that a consultant is generally someone who borrows your watch and then tells you the time, and submits an enormous invoice for the privilege og so doing.

That's the long and the short of it. But if people are too stupid to look at what's under their nose.........

[amateur51]

That's the long and the short of it. But if people are too stupid to look at what's under their nose.........

In my experience it was more a case of Trustees being more likely to accept that findings/recommendations of a report that was written by an outside 'expert' than by the staff that they employed at a cheaper rate

On one occasion I returned the first draft of a consultant's report with a list of so many additional areas that I felt needed covering that said consultant complained that I seemed to know what I wanted. I didn't rise to that, we got a better report and she didn't dare to bend the agreed fee

[Hornspieler]

So forget I spoke. I was trying to be helpful.

Nobody has to pay heed to what I wrote and it matters not one jot to me whether it makes any difference as to how these message boards run.

I suggest that, having said what I thought would be helpful, that the administrators do me the favour of removing the thread completely.

HS

[hafod]

I recall being told by various bods experienced in such matters many years ago that a consultant is generally someone who borrows your watch and then tells you the time, and submits an enormous invoice for the privilege og so doing.

You missed an action - after telling you the time he (it's usually a 'he') puts it in his pocket and then presents a bill for it.

[hafod]

Writing a Report

When I decided to leave the BBC and Music Administration, I opted to become a Management and Productivity Consultant.

HS

Yes, it’s an old joke but (slightly adapted) irresistible in the circumstances.

From: Hornspieler Associates - Management and Productivity Consultants
To: Chairman, Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra
Subject: Schubert's Symphony No. 8 in B minor.

We make the following observations and recommendations following observation of rehearsals of this work:

1. We note that the twelve first violins were playing identical notes, as were the second violins. Three violins in each section, suitably amplified, would seem to us to be adequate.

2. Much unnecessary labour is involved in the number of demisemiquavers in this work; we suggest that many of these could be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver thus saving practice time for the individual player and rehearsal time for the entire ensemble. The simplification would also permit more use of trainee and less-skilled players with only marginal loss of precision.

3. We could find no productivity value in string passages being repeated by the horns; all tutti repeats could also be eliminated without reducing efficiency.

4. In so labour-intensive an undertaking as a symphony, we regard the long oboe tacet passages to be extremely wasteful. What notes this instrument is called upon to play could, subject to a satisfactory demarcation conference with the Musician's Union, be shared out equitably amongst the other instruments.

5. The contribution made by the supervisor in charge of the proceedings appears to be inaudible (unlike everyone else taking part), it does not utilise the level of skill shown by most players and is certainly out of all proportion to the fee paid. Consideration should be given to correcting this anomaly.

Conclusion: Implementation of the above recommendations would allow the piece under consideration to be played through in much less time with associated savings in overtime, lighting and heating, wear and tear on the instruments and hall rental fees. Also, had the composer been aware of modern cost-effective procedures he might well have finished this work.