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The ability to hear what I am actually playing rather than the aural image that I have in my head.
It seems such a simple thing (being able to hear what you are actually playing) but it seems very difficult to achieve.
I have similar problems with drawing or painting. As for musicianship, I have none at all - something I think now & again that it would be nice to rectify, but I fear that I have left it too late.
I was brought up in a house full of traditional folk music, which is all modal -- this has given me big problems trying to hear whether things are major or minor. "Does not compute", sums it up, I suppose. It was only a worry when doing exams.
I'm very much tied to the dots on the page, being inadequate as an improviser and not at all brilliant at keyboard harmony (unless given the bass-line).
Sometimes when I'm singing to myself as I'm tidying house, I'll throw in a key change between verses for no reason at all.
When I used to hang around backstage at the LA Phil, I was always amazed by the sheer technical wizardry of their pianist, Zita Carno. This lady could play absolutely anything at sight, no matter how difficult, and always knock it out of the ballpark. New music, jazz, whatever: she'd just sit down and BOOM! instant music, perfectly served. I never saw anyone who even came close...remarkable. She was always so cool about it too--no big deal, just getting the job done! It sure would be nice to have that sense of ease and fluidity.
I haven't played the piano for years but when I did it was often getting the tempi right. My long thin hands
buckled under quick passages and Mozart K475 and 457 sounded like a funeral march. When I started going to rehearsals and hearing real musicians I gave up.
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