... couldn't conduct a bus!

[Hornspieler]

... a saying that was frequently uttered amongst orchestral musicians long before Andre Previn's hilarious encounter with Morecombe and Wise.

Let's start the thread with a little quote from my memoires:

CONDUCTORS

“Conductors tend to forget that the baton is always in C major.”

It was my old friend the late Max Goldberg who said that. Max was a distinguished trumpet
player who had played for Henry Hall and Mantovani on the one hand and for Sir Malcolm
Sargent and Sir Thomas Beecham on the other. It is typical of many of the comments
which have been made by players over the years:

“ ... if the baton wasn't silent, he'd be wildly out of tune ...”

“ ... if you'd ever heard him play, you'd know why he took up conducting ...”

“ ... out of every twelve conductors in this country, there's thirteen don't know their job ...”

“ ... if all the conductors in this country were stretched out end to end on the M1, it would be a
wonderful thing for British music ..”

so let's have your favourite anecdotes about the world of conductors. I may join in later, but only after others have had their say.

Go to it!

HS

[salymap]

We all know that orchestral players have their strong views on conductors but, HS, how many players around here at the moment. A lot of them seemto be missing although I can think of one or two.

As someone admitted to rehearsals and sometimes given tickets I am not going to bite the hand,etc. The only conductor I had reservations about was Beecham because of his sometimes misplaced SOH. Anything for a good story, was his motto. I know his performances could be magical but he was capable of downright rudeness.

I would tell the story of the piano crawling away on its own but not my story. Better from you,perhaps.
And the dog that followed her/his master onto the platform. Good luck....

[MrGongGong]

aaah the difference between a bull and an orchestra ?

[Dave2002]

Aha. A "musical" variant of:

“If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.”

Dorothy Parker

[cloughie]

aaah the difference between a bull and an orchestra ?

...or the difference between a good chiropodist and a poor conductor.

[Hornspieler]

I say, chaps! Keep it clean - we're not in the men's locker room now.


I shall head this story "piu piano"

I'm sure that many will remember the wonderful cello playing of John Moore on that recording by Solomon and the Philharmonia of the Brahms 2nd piano concerto.

John was principal cello at Covent Garden in the 1930s when Bruno Walter was a frequent guest conductor. When Dr Walter returned to London after WW2, a reception was held in his honour and John was one of the invited guests.

He told us that when he spoke to the great Maestro, the conversation went like this:

"You know, Doctor, the thing we all remember especially about your rehearsals in those days at Covent Garden was your "piu piano.
Gentlemen, please, let me have my piu piano!"

Dr Walter smiled at the recollection and placed a fatherly hand on John's shoulder. "Ah yes," he mused "but I don't remember yours!"

HS

[Stanley Stewart]

Stravinsky.

" I only believe in conductors of a military band - all he needs is a square beat,
a pistol in his pocket and a notebook for names of those who play wrong notes."

[salymap]

It occurs to me that a really young person would query as to why anyone would want to 'conduct' a bus. It is some years since the 'clippie' disappeared surely. Just a thought

[EdgeleyRob]

I like

"To some it is Napoleon, to some it is a philosophical struggle, to me it is allegro con brio.”

Toscanini on the Eroica 1st movement.

[Bryn]

It occurs to me that a really young person would query as to why anyone would want to 'conduct' a bus. It is some years since the 'clippie' disappeared surely. Just a thought

Does the new Borisbus not have a conductor? O.K, such conductors do not issue tickets or check Oyster Cards, but they are still conduct passengers on an off the bus, do they not?

[antongould]

No story but was Delius not famed for his ineptitude on the podium?

[amateur51]

Does the new Borisbus not have a conductor? O.K, such conductors do not issue tickets or check Oyster Cards, but they are still conduct passengers on an off the bus, do they not?

i'm not sure that it's in service yet, Bryn

[Bryn]

i'm not sure that it's in service yet, Bryn

Eight on route 38 is my understanding.

I have seen one of them in such service, but it was going in the opposite direction to the 38 I was traveling in.

[Extended Play]

i'm not sure that it's in service yet, Bryn

To our surprise and delight, my wife and I found ourselves driving behind one in Islington yesterday -- Rosebery Avenue, route 38 (I think). And yes, it looked as though there was a conductor on board.

[Extended Play]

You beat me to it, Bryn!