Music for Mourning

[kernelbogey]

Tom Service asks why music has always been an essential part of mourning. With the help of cognitive neuropsychologist Catherine Loveday, he compares the music of two royal funerals separated by three centuries, and by tracing the development of funeral music into abstract art music he uncovers the private grief behind Bach's great D-minor violin Chaconne. And before ending with a Top Ten countdown of today's UK musical funeral favourites, he ponders why some music, never intended to be mournful, becomes indelibly associated with grieving.

I heard only the latter half of this but it seemed to contain a wealth of highly subjective views presented as fact.

The 'top ten funeral favourites' was interesting, though.

[kernelbogey]

The 'top ten funeral favourites' was interesting, though.

Guess - if you didn't hear the programme - what the most requested piece of music for UK funerals is.

[LezLee]

‘My Way’ always used to be favourite. I would think ‘Wind beneath my Wings’ might be there too.

[doversoul1]

Tom Service asks why music has always been an essential part of mourning. With the help of cognitive neuropsychologist Catherine Loveday, he compares the music of two royal funerals separated by three centuries, and by tracing the development of funeral music into abstract art music he uncovers the private grief behind Bach's great D-minor violin Chaconne. And before ending with a Top Ten countdown of today's UK musical funeral favourites, he ponders why some music, never intended to be mournful, becomes indelibly associated with grieving.

I heard only the latter half of this but it seemed to contain a wealth of highly subjective views presented as fact.

The 'top ten funeral favourites' was interesting, though.

... in some cultures, he means, I suppose.

[kernelbogey]

... in some cultures, he means, I suppose.

[bluestateprommer]

Guess - if you didn't hear the programme - what the most requested piece of music for UK funerals is.

Perhaps it's Eric Idle's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"?

[jayne lee wilson]

Has anyone here had to choose music for a funeral?
For my Mother's last year, I chose three slow movements from the Brandenburg Concertos, with some Philip Larkin poems in between including Cut Grass and The Trees....
The wide chapel windows give onto a vast expanse of fields and trees and flowered graves, so it seemed to work well... perhaps a shade too well...

What about choosing music for your own?

[Serial_Apologist]

Has anyone here had to choose music for a funeral?
For my Mother's last year, I chose three slow movements from the Brandenburg Concertos, with some Philip Larkin poems in between including Cut Grass and The Trees....
The wide chapel windows give onto a vast expanse of fields and trees and flowered graves, so it seemed to work well... perhaps a shade too well...

What about choosing music for your own?

For my father's I chose Vaughan Williams' "Serenade to Music" as the service opener, and "The Lark Ascending" as the coffin was borne into the cremator. The presiding vicar and I had huge difficulties on choice of hymns - me not being of the Christian persuasion - but when I suggested "The Lark Ascending" he looked at me in total bewilderment, to my own astonishment. It may now seem a corny choice, given the work's overplayment on Breakfast, but at the time it seemed an appropriate choice. For one thing Vaughan Williams was one of the few composers on whom Dad and I were in agreement; and as I explained somewhat lamely, "Well, you know, the soul floating beyond gravity, erm, symbolically, you know, sort of thing...".

[LezLee]

I arranged my husband’s funeral. Not a traditional funeral, no ceremony, just a small gathering of friends and family all with their memories and anecdotes. It was a woodland burial with a cardboard coffin, no flowers, and just our favourite music - John Cale’s ‘Do not go gentle into that good night’. It was a wonderful day, nobody cried. My sister will be doing the same for me.

[kernelbogey]

... in some cultures, he means, I suppose.

Actually, DS, my was not quite what I meant.

I think Tom Service's views were - how to put this? - Eurocentric. I have (as yet) still only heard half the programe, but as yet I cannot remember his referencing any other culture.

I'll have rather more to say about the programme once I've actually listened to all of it...!

[doversoul1]

Actually, DS, my was not quite what I meant.

I think Tom Service's views were - how to put this? - Eurocentric. I have (as yet) still only heard half the programe, but as yet I cannot remember his referencing any other culture.

I'll have rather more to say about the programme once I've actually listened to all of it...!

Tom Service did say the programme would concentrate on Western music or something to that effect a few minutes into the programme (I didn’t hear the whole programme).

[Conchis]

Has anyone here had to choose music for a funeral?
For my Mother's last year, I chose three slow movements from the Brandenburg Concertos, with some Philip Larkin poems in between including Cut Grass and The Trees....
The wide chapel windows give onto a vast expanse of fields and trees and flowered graves, so it seemed to work well... perhaps a shade too well...

What about choosing music for your own?

Last year, I attended the funeral of a friend who had been a professor of Physics. Among the musical choices was 'The Universe Song' by Eric Idle, but the church authorities vetoed the playing of the pay-off line ('Cause there's buggerall down here on earth!'), which made the exercise a bit meaningless, imo, since it's the only memorable line in the song.

Another friend told me of her father's funeral: he was a Wagnerite and his funeral music was all by the wizard of Bayreuth. He specified that he wanted his coffin carried into the church to the Transformation Music from Parsifal Act 1. This had the effect of delaying the start of the service. The attendees, none of whom I'd guess were Wagnerites, got very impatient....

I think the point to be derived from the two examples above is that the music that was special to the deceased is unlikely to be special to those who attend the deceased's funeral, so the gesture of choosing music they would have liked is often a misplaced one, as 'they' are not there to hear it - at least, as far as we mere mortals know.....

My mother has told me she wants Elton John's Goodbye Yellow Brick Road played at her funeral. I don't think that's a good choice but it's not proper that I should have any say in the matter.....

There are certain tunes that should never be played at funerals, though, and these are:

1) Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life - Eric Idle (Principally because it's been done to death...sorry).
2) Wind Beneath My Wings - various artist (ditto, and the sentiment is unoriginal)
3) Simply The Best - Tina Turner (someone suggested this should be played at my maternal grandmother's funeral. I think I inadvertently gave them a very poisonous look).

John Lennon's Imagine is played at the funerals of people who lacked personal religiosity, especially if they come from Liverpool, but I think it's a choice of desperation. Like all those people who choose Beethoven 9 on DID.

What about music while people are dying?

When my other grandmother died two years ago, at the age of (nearly) 101, she was lulled to sleep by a CD of Alfie Boe singing hymns and show tunes. It wouldn't have been my choice, and I don't think it was hers, either, but I'll admit it did lend a very peaceful atmosphere to the room.

Her funeral music - which I had no hand in choosing - consisted of the Flower Duet from Lakme (good, but long since appropriated by British Airways) and Time To Say Goodbye by the Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brigthman (unbelievably awful, and I nearly gagged when it came over the crematorium PA).

Since I first heard it back in 2000, I've felt that the ideal music to 'cross the bar' to is this:

https://youtu.be/b0b03WHkakY

The composer, being a committed Catholic, stuck an off-putting title on it, but I think it perfectly describes the process of passing from one state of existence to another.

[BBMmk2]

One work at my late father funeral was Bach’s Prelude & Fugue In Eb, BWV552 ‘St Ann’. Beautifully played by d’Arcy Trenkwon

[Richard Tarleton]

I think the point to be derived from the two examples above is that the music that was special to the deceased is unlikely to be special to those who attend the deceased's funeral, so the gesture of choosing music they would have liked is often a misplaced one, as 'they' are not there to hear it - at least, as far as we mere mortals know.....

Wise words, Conchis. By mutual agreement, my sister, wife and I are not going to have funerals, in the sense of handing a shedload of money over to a third party for the use of a building, but rather going for what is known as "direct cremation", with available funds rather being spent on a suitable gathering in an appropriate place which will give pleasure to family and friends. Cost of a funeral is well north of £4k these days, a direct cremation (after the NHS has had first refusal of organs etc.) about £1.4k. The economics are simple - crematoria lie idle outside office hours. The first person I heard mention them was Joan Bakewell - she talked about it in an interview. In the case of our mother, she died aged 97 in a care home close to my sister but in a place which meant nothing to her, her social circle having mostly lost touch or long since predeceased her. Her one expressed wish was around where she would like her ashes scattered, in Snowdonia close to her birthplace where she spent childhood holidays. So - we went for direct cremation, convening the family in some style in the area (in Portmeirion, as it happens), did the business and had a memorable day out round Snowdonia, not to mention dinner. Music played no part in the proceedings.

About 25 years ago I did have to organise a non-religious funeral for my great aunt (and favourite relative), a woman (and music lover) who had lived a remarkable life and played an important part in mine. I gave the music considerable thought. Friends and family entered the "crem" chapel to the strains of the slow movement from the Schubert String Quintet; after the eulogies, the Sonnet and Epilogue from the Serenade for Tenor Horn and Strings (this was in Suffolk, and Britten, and Snape, meant a lot to us); everyone filed out to the Andante con moto from Schubert's 5th Symphony. Everyone then returned to my aunt's cottage to demolish whatever was left in the drinks cupboard.

[Pabmusic]

My dear wife (like most Filipinas) is a Catholic, and won't hear of my wish - that my body go to be dissected by medical students. No matter - funerals, etc., are for the living, and it won't matter to me - but it will to her, and should be as she desires.

And maybe one of my friends will have a drink and listen to one of my favourites, and have pleasant memories...