Originally posted by Vespare
View Post
Again I can only feel largely cut off from such access to the quietened mind....
All too often, no light or uplift can penetrate the darkened soul. I recognise that melancholy can become habitual. In Darkness let me dwell. At times you really do have to dwell there. But then, one becomes a little nervous of its opposite...
I keep trying: this dawn, with Berwald's 1st Symphony, in which there is indeed much that is sunny and joyful. I sat before it. I couldn't respond to it at all until... the adagio just began to filter through the tension, the clouded mind, so short of sleep and peace. I started to enjoy the players' own playfulness in the stretto....!
But then it faded again. But - I kept going to the end. And I did sleep afterward.
Sometimes you just need to keep going, not looking for "joy" or anything like it at all. Perhaps a soothing, a consolation. Hoping that your nerve-set will open up to some responsiveness again. Which for me it seems, can only be spontaneous.
(that essential quote again...."Rarely rarely comest thou, Spirit of Delight...")
Comment