#13 Richard Tarleton, you offered Damon Runyon's ' A Piece of Pie', which admittedly has nothing much to do with Christmas, except that it concerns unbelievable overeating, but it is just about the most funny story I have ever read. '1066 And All That' might win by a short head, but only because I fell off the sofa in a laughing fit at the description of the challenge of the pie and anyway, great masterpieces do not devour each other, there is room in the pantheon of humour for both.
From ' A Piece of Pie':
Oh B****R, I loaned my copy to someone and dont have it at hand to quote. But you know who I'm talking about. It's Miss Violet Schlumberger, not at all a bad looking Judy, once they wedge her through the restaurant doorway, but with enough chins to make a fire escape and a laugh that whipped the cream topping off a dessert at forty yards and greatly discomfits one [someone] who is intent on devouring the same.
Oh, this is a classic bit of fun, remind us of the setting in Mindy's restaurant, as Joel Duffle and Violet Schlumberger get down to a serious menu. Nicely Nicely Jones is on hand to advise. I recall a lot of clams, a serious amount of soup and a very large turkey which is not stuffed, and this causes a bravura bit of game play. Having already devoured enough food to cause unconsciousness in any normal mortal, the main course is brought on and Miss Schlumberger notes querulously that there is no stuffing. This sends a tremor of unease through the Duffle camp, because a Judy who can put away that much in the way of hors'd'oeuvre [sorry, I cant spell that] and then demand stuffing is a serious contender.
And then, eventually, they are neck and neck, and the stewards bring on the pie ...
From ' A Piece of Pie':
Oh B****R, I loaned my copy to someone and dont have it at hand to quote. But you know who I'm talking about. It's Miss Violet Schlumberger, not at all a bad looking Judy, once they wedge her through the restaurant doorway, but with enough chins to make a fire escape and a laugh that whipped the cream topping off a dessert at forty yards and greatly discomfits one [someone] who is intent on devouring the same.
Oh, this is a classic bit of fun, remind us of the setting in Mindy's restaurant, as Joel Duffle and Violet Schlumberger get down to a serious menu. Nicely Nicely Jones is on hand to advise. I recall a lot of clams, a serious amount of soup and a very large turkey which is not stuffed, and this causes a bravura bit of game play. Having already devoured enough food to cause unconsciousness in any normal mortal, the main course is brought on and Miss Schlumberger notes querulously that there is no stuffing. This sends a tremor of unease through the Duffle camp, because a Judy who can put away that much in the way of hors'd'oeuvre [sorry, I cant spell that] and then demand stuffing is a serious contender.
And then, eventually, they are neck and neck, and the stewards bring on the pie ...
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